P-A-Y-G $45 iPhone Project: Success! And Phone!

My last post on how to set up a PAYG iPhone plan ended up becoming an incredible disaster. Times were tough, the economy was falling apart and lunatics were killing theaters of people, and shit was generally a hot mess. None of that has anything to do with this, of course.

I spent over 92 hours on the phone with Straight Talk, AT&T and Apple; three days in the local AT&T for what ended up being for no reason whatsoever; $300 on three new iPhones as the ST rep I’ll refer to as “that moron” had me attempt to jailbreak my phones and irreversibly brick TWO of them to, again, no avail; I was ripped off by a ST sales asshole for $35 on a new SIM card he claimed to be my last and only option (only to find out from his manager that he had lied and supposedly reprimanded) and a host of of problems. But, in a very non-Jarcy fashion, I’m not going to bitch about it length. Why? Because I have a motherfucking fully-functional iPhone 3GS with unlimited talk, text, MMS and data that’s clad in a Black-on-pink Oteerbox Defender case. As sexy as those last few words sounds, it also means:

Courtesy of U.S. Maplestory when Kyle and I won the "Hipster-Ass Mod Challenge" on the Something Awful forums as So I Wanna Bang My French Teacher with our amazing release."Panties, featuring hit singles "Bang Bang a la Boom and "Sluttastic (Grimlocked Remix)".

Some things are best learnt the hard way, and I suppose discount iPhone plans are among them.

I’d post them here, obviously, but frankly I’m sick of discussing it. You know after you have to explain a long, Read the rest of this entry

$45/month iPhone. No Contracts. Hot Damn.



Got an old iPhone left over from an upgrade? Or maybe that one with the cracked screen you dropped when drunkenly climbing that tree last year? Perhaps a DPRK hand-me-down cell phone from the late Kim Jong-Il? If so, here’s some rather amazing news: you can turn that old (and still incredibly useful) device into a pay-as-you-go smartphone with a $15 SIM card and use an unlimited talk/text/data plan for $45 per month. No credit check, no deposit, no contracts, no jailbreaking/unlocking, no legal loopholes and no trickery.

Sounds too good to be true, right? Read on, young Padawan learner, and see how this geeky miracle is pulled off- and how you too can make your iPhone the best pre-paid device ever for less than $20 using no tools or software in less than ten minutes.

Now the 99% can get their porn just like the 1% does: magic.

And no, this isn’t another iOS jailbreaking scheme, nor is it an newfound and exploitable bug that the cell carriers haven’t noticed or fixed yet a la the old GoPhone trick used until recently. This method is a whole new way to ditch your contract and all its fees, deposits, nonsensical charges and general messes by using another carrier who is (in so many words) piggybacking on the big-boy cellular signal networks.

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MetroPCS: Now 100% Less Usable

My phone, some $30 Chinese knock-off hunk of toxic metal and hate, is dying. It is not a glorious death, as is the case with so many noble phones who found their way into a pint of Guinness, nor is it even dignified. No, my cellular device is being dragged kicking and screaming to the morgue with a level of class usually reserved for spree killers. It shows a full signal, yet will not make calls 60% of the time. Incoming and outbound messages are rarely sent without having to try at least five times. The battery seems to be based on lotto numbers. When I go to bed, I swear I can hear it snarling death threats to me.

Obviously not a touch screen

That’s what I find in my inbox every morning- from myself.

MetroPCS, it is time we parted ways. When we first met I was but a young man of 23, living in the urban jungle of South Dallas (Cedars, CxC!) and working in Denton as a technician at The Local Circuit. Your slender body and sleek curves caught my eye in the store, enticing me to embrace your cheap plastic frame as my connection to the world and pay only $50 a month for unlimited texts and calls. I paid $32.28 for you, you dirty little whore, and this is how you’re gonna do me. Sure, maybe I didn’t tell you about Read the rest of this entry

Systems, Shotgun Shells and Satisfaction

For the past few days I’ve been working on an inventory system for a client with a large sign-making business. I did their site (LSSigns.com) and have streamlined a massive amount of their internal protocols, plus cleaned up their well-infected computers and workstations. The owner likes my work enough to give me use of their loft office for my business and shop since I’ll be working for them concurrently as I run my design house. I keep harping on my new office, and for good reason: Ryan “WTF” Jarcy has a legitimate business with a super-nice office! No more scouring Craigslist for gigs, and no more two hour commutes on the buses/trains for a part-time job paying $10/hour. Don’t think I’d call this “living the dream” quite yet, but I’m definitely not “living the night terror” anymore.

Glockin' for Fur

This guy shows up everywhere!

As I’m going to be practically “in the office” every day and by proxy immediately available for them, I engineered a inventory and work order tracking process

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Microcosm of Dorkness and Space Cadets

It is 2012. This is the 21st century. We are the smartest beings on our entire planet- yet we somehow find new and exciting ways to poop all over centuries of progress over trivial and truly non-existent issues.

Yesterday I had a discussion over a proposed project with a potential client. After about thirty minutes, I asked what the site’s content was to be. He looked around nervously, lowered his voice and grunted “you know all the trouble we been havin’ with ‘the blacks’? we want to… take care of that, if you get me, brother.” I was speechless: here’s this guy likely alluding to terrorism and not only does he see me as a confidante and like-mided buffoon, but I’ve been wasting time and energy helping him! I made an excuse to find the snack bar and took off, avoiding him for the rest of the night.

Someone, somewhere, has a hard-on for this.

“When I’m out bombing abortion clinics, I only trust Hanes for the best in support, comfort and style. Nude Domestic Terror for (some of) America.”

White, Conservative and Republican fairly sums up the majority demographic in west Texas. Bumper sticks with “NOBAMA” and “Be a Hero: Kill a Liberal” (seriously) are on the ass of every two-ton Chevy rumbling down I-20 while the common conversation piece during a meal starts off with “That no-good black ass in the White House is…” It’s a microcosm of paranoia and fear culminating in tantrums and malice- and unfortunately it’s the most heavily armed and financially stable that buy into that mess.

Freedom fries! Freedom diabetes!

This is an acurate portrayal of some of my neighbors. Very, very, horribly accurate.

I have my own political views not defined by one of two parties, and thus I’m not slagging on the right here- rather, I’m slagging on the ignorant who also think their politics are the only politics. It absolutely kills me to hear some hateful bullshit Read the rest of this entry

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